Monday, April 4, 2016

Am I Now an Apostate?

Why do so many people hate me? 

Well they don’t, they just  wonder about me. They tell me this all the time. They say things like: “What’s happen to you?” Or, “You’re not the same anymore.” Or, “Why don’t you believe the way you used to believe?” which is their way of saying: “You don’t believe like I do anymore. Well, I don’t.

They just can’t seem to stuff me back into their own box of black and white certainty. I’m not so definable for them anymore. I no longer believe the “must-believe-the-right-things” anymore. I have become an enigma to them I suppose.

 I’ve “flown the coop” as they say.

There was a time when I thought I was alone on this journey. Actually I am not alone. There was a time when I actually thought there was something wrong with me because my airtight black and white world of theological conservatism (and certainty) was unraveling right before my eyes.

I entertained frightening thoughts: “Am I becoming an apostate?” An apostate is one who turns completely away from his or her faith. “Am I now a heretic?”

“Am I becoming an agnostic or worse yet an atheist?” Moving away from theological conservatism may be construed as one or the other of these horrible positions I have been told.

Or, “Am I just trying to be cool and relevant?”

Well actually I have been experiencing what is called a “Crisis of Faith” of varying degrees of intensity for some years now. A crisis of faith may occur at any time along the pathway of one’s spiritual journey. It may occur without warning. It can sneak up on a person.

For example, I experienced my really first big crisis of faith forty years ago while in college. I was exposed to variant views of Eschatology that rattled the Dispensationalism I had inherited from my pastor.

Dispensationalism is a way of interpreting the meaning of the last days and what may occur near the end of the world. It’s main feature is a so-called “rapture” in which Christians are going to be snatched out of this world right before everything goes to hell in a hand basket.

Dispensationalism is exciting stuff. It’s captivating. It sells a lot of books. But suddenly it was no longer compelling. I was in the midst of a huge crisis of faith. I suppose it was one of those you-had-to-be-there experiences to really understand.

Dispensationalism no longer made sense to me. I moved on.  I had no choice.

So are we to avoid these crisis of faith? Are they detrimental to our faith? Do they lead us down that dangerous road called “Apostasy Avenue” or “Heresy Lane?”

A theology professor of mine used to remind us students: “Hold on to what you believe in until you find something better with which to replace it.”

Great advice!

Well this is what has been happening throughout my journey: I’m discovering better ways to believe and interpret what it means to follow Jesus in today’s crazy world. But remember, this is my journey so I own it. I no longer apologize for my journey. I'm now comfortable with it even though it continues to stress me at times.

But for me to get to such a place on this faith journey I had to experience multiple crisis of faith. I remember years ago reading the words of the late George Eldon Ladd that really impacted me for years to come.

I paraphrase Dr. Ladd: “Any faith that is not challenged is no faith at all!”

How can it be faith if it is grounded in certainty? Quite frankly I don’t see how it can be considered faith if certainty is a requirement or even a desire. Christian faith is not Science based on empirical evidence or facts. Faith is trust. Faith is trusting God even when nothing makes any sense. Faith does not need a road map or a GPS. Faith is a lot like flying at night strictly by instruments.

No, I am not an apostate although some of my old conservative friends may think that I am. Sorry to disappoint. As my conservative friends would say: “I’m still a believer!” 

I just don’t believe in the same old inherited ways I once did. I’ve moved beyond all that. I’ve discovered fresh new ways to believe and articulate my faith. News ways to interpret my walk of faith.

So what’s my point this morning? 

My point is this: Do not allow anyone to convince you that a crisis of faith is something to avoid.

A crisis of faith is necessary for one to grow in the faith. Are they painful? Indeed they are, sometimes immeasurably so.

But in the words of the Marines with whom I once served: “No pain, no gain!”

There is nothing wrong with having a crisis of faith. Yet before one can make that journey one has to give oneself permission to explore new ways of believing. Faith is fluid. It is not meant to be static. If it is static it has the potential of dying on the vine.

Give yourself permission to move beyond your own faith center of gravity. You won’t be sorry that you did. You may discover something bright and new.

Go have a crisis of faith . . . it'll be good for you.

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