Confession of a Recovering Racist!

Can you imagine growing up on a piece of real estate measuring seven miles in length and two and a half miles in width?

Well I did! At least for the first nineteen years of my life. Mostly white blue-collar people, except for one black family, inhabited the island. 

The only three Democrats I knew growing up were my grandmother, my pastor, and one other gentleman. I’m sure there were more but I didn’t know them.

Folks on the island were conservative in both their politics and in their religion. 

There were no 24-hour cable news networks back in the day. There was only one TV channel and it went off the air late at night and a test pattern appeared on the screen.

I was taught from an early age that Jesus was my Savior and that America was the greatest country on earth. I would have never doubted either one of these eternal truths.

It was ingrained in me that the police were always to be respected and their authority was never to be questioned.

 I was taught that serving in the military was as noble as it gets and that my unquestioned support of the Vietnam War was my patriotic duty. 

In fact both my parents and my teachers taught me that America’s wars were all for the purpose of defending our freedoms. Growing up I never questioned that claim.

I was taught that when an adult asked me a question I had better respond to them with a “yes sir” or “no ma’am.” That was just common respect I was told. 

Okay most of what I was taught as a young boy helped shape me into the young adult I grew up to become. My parents, my relatives, my teachers, my Sunday school teachers, my pastor, and the island culture in general were all great tutors on life and morality for me.

The island was an awesome place to grow up. By the way no one ever locked the doors of their houses that I remember.

I also grew up in a home in which racism was an implicit assumption. Now we didn’t explicitly talk about racism like we might talk about it today. In fact I never knew what racism meant until much later in life.

I really can’t remember my parents treating “colored folks” in unkind ways. The only African Americans I came into contact with worked as crab meat pickers for my grandfather’s seafood business. When work was finished they went back to the mainland where they lived amongst themselves.

Blacks were not allowed to eat in our restaurants, use our public restrooms, or drink from the only public water fountain in town. They didn’t attend our schools. They attended their own school. 

We referred to them as “colored folks” or as “niggers” and thought nothing of it. The prevailing assumption back then was simply that black people were in some way inferior to us whites. We may not have said it publicly but we all accepted this unspoken assumption as a fact of life.

Most of us never questioned our inherited views on race such as they were. In fact I don’t ever recall hearing the words “racist” or “racism” growing up. We simply didn’t have a word to describe the attitudes we harbored towards black people. Our attitudes towards blacks were just an accepted unspoken given. It was systemic. "It's the way it has always been" we told ourselves.

One might say that racism was just part of the “spirit of the age” during the time in which I was growing into adulthood.

But at some point in my life I began to question some of those inherited assumptions and beliefs. I allowed my own self-awareness to shed a disturbing light on my inherited views on race, war, economics, homosexuality, and yes the place of African Americans in the warp and woof of American society.

Now granted the theology I came to embrace certainly played a huge role in the shifts I have made throughout my life regarding some of these inherited issues. I’m still shifting, still growing, still challenging the things I learned as a boy all because God created me with self-awareness.

I still believe that younger people should show respect towards older adults. 

I still believe that America is a wonderfully great nation even though I no loner believe that she is the greatest nation on earth.

I still believe that America’s wars should be fought in defense of our nation but not as an extension of corrupt and flawed politics that is often driven by greed and an addiction to power.

I still believe that our nation’s policemen and policewomen are to be respected and held in high esteem. I make it a point to tell law enforcement officers I come into personal contact with that I appreciate them and thank them for the difficult job they are doing. 

But I also know that there are times when individual police officers fall off the rails. They're human like anyone else.

I still believe that serving in the military is a noble thing for any American to do. 

But I do not believe one should serve with blind patriotism and unquestioned commitment to a political agenda that doesn’t trend towards the Common Good. 

The world is not just that black and white. It is far more complex and nuanced.

Honest self-awareness, education, exposure to broader life experiences, a well developed spirituality, and an open mind can lead to the necessary adjustments and modifications we can make regarding our inherited beliefs. 

Regarding my inherited views on race I came to reject the implicit racism that was so common in my hometown. I came to see the evil and the injustice it represented.

But I did not cease being a racist! 

Yes that’s right, I didn’t stop being a racist anymore than I stopped being a sinner. Both are intrinsically a part of who I am today. 

But I hope I’m no longer a racist who believes black people are inferiorly different from me. I try really hard to understand what it might be like to be black in America today but I realize that from my white middle class frame of reference that is almost impossible to do. I admit this.

To borrow from twelve-step language I am a recovering racist who works really hard to overcome my inherited attitudes towards people different from me. 

I don’t hate black people. I don’t lump all black people into one overly generalized category. Some black people are really bad people just like some white people are really bad people. Most are good people. I am not superior to black people.

So here’s my point: I cannot deny that I’m a racist anymore than I can deny I am sinner. I am not going to judge anyone on this issue. You know what’s in your own heart. I can only speak for myself. 

I confess to being a recovering racist but one who believes we all can live together in less violent and hopeful ways. 

I will not deny that racism exists. In my heart I know it still does in this country.

So I take full ownership of who I have become as an adult pushing seventy years old. 

This is the best I can do. It’s all I can do. It may not be enough but I sure as hell pray that it may help heal the racism I know exists still today in America. I know because I am part of the problem that needs healing.