Limping Into Forgiveness

Forgiveness is messy business.

Don’t let anyone tell you that extending or receiving forgiveness is easy. How can it be? Forgiveness takes place within the context of broken and messy human lives. 

But equally as difficult is to seek forgiveness from one you have wronged or caused harm. The following story illustrates this truth for us.

There were two brothers (twins) whose lives separated because of a combination of bad parenting, poor life decisions, deception and lying, and the usual sibling rivalry that so many experience. 

Esau was the first born and therefore inherited certain rights and privileges according to ancient Near Eastern traditions. Jacob, being the second born, was excluded from the expected paternal blessing reserved for his older brother. This was a big deal in that ancient culture (check out the parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15).

Both brothers were very different: Esau was the rugged outdoorsman and hunter (probably athletic as well) while Jacob was more creative and loved to stay close to home. One was a father’s boy and the other a mama’s boy. 

This is never a healthy family dynamic but in this case it eventually led to a painful schism between the two brothers. My sense is that the entire family was at least borderline dysfunctional when it came to rearing their children. 

Jacob, with his mother’s help, deceived Isaac (the father) and stole Esau’s elder son birthright, which was bad juju back in that time and place. Esau was furious. 

So Jacob fled to another country to avoid his brother’s vengeful wrath.

With the passing of time however the human heart should soften a bit and the intensity of old family feuds should dim.

This is true of Jacob as he apparently sensed the need to reconcile with his  brother Esau.

So Jacob headed for home in hopes of receiving forgiveness from his brother Esau.

Along the way Jacob wrestled with God (Genesis 32:22-32). It was a life-changing experience. All night long Jacob wrestled with the Holy One. In the morning two things happened as the result of this all night WrestleMania: 

Jacob incurred a broken hip resulting in a lifelong limp. He also received a new name, Israel which appropriately means, “to wrestle with God”.

Biblical scholars are not real clear as to the meaning of this all night wrestling match between Jacob and God but there is a significant lesson to be learned from the incident:

Jacob had to limp his way into forgiveness.

To seek forgiveness one must take ownership and responsibility for his or her part in the broken and injured relationship.

Jacob’s lifelong limp was the tell tale evidence of a life dominated by lies and deception.

Such behavior as lying and deception always costs something. There is always a price to pay for the way we unjustly treat or talk about others, especially those close to us. 

It is costly to do unjust harm to another human being. 

Yet we all do it to one degree or another. We are human of course and our relationships are spiced with messiness.

So when we feel the need to seek forgiveness from an injured friend, or a co-worker, or a neighbor, or a spouse, or even a family member we will then have to limp into that forgiveness with a broken heart. 

There is of course a good chance that forgiveness will not be given. But we must take that risk and limp nonetheless.

No one comes to forgiveness with a clean slate, I don’t care who you are. Jacob knew what he had done. He wrestled with God because he had yet to find peace with himself or with his brother. He knew deep down that he had stolen something quite valuable from his brother. He knew that his lying and deception had finally caught up with him—it always does. 

Fortunately Esau forgave Jacob. He embraced him and kissed him as was custom for males to do in the ancient Middle East. 

Yes, forgiveness is messy but is so necessary to heal our broken relationships.