Things I Wish Christians Would Stop Saying: "Everything happens for a reason!"

I am convinced that Christians sometimes say things without much forethought. We all do this. For example, I often hear Christians say:

“Everything happens for a reason.”

Now, I understand this kind of reasoning for I have said the same thing myself. But the question is whether it is true or not. I realize that folks facing hardships in life want to believe that there is a hidden reason for the tragedy. They want desperately to find some meaning in their suffering. 

As a pastor, I have often relied on this oft-repeated cliché to comfort grieving parishioners whose hearts had been ripped out by the loss of a loved one or had been victimized by a sudden and unexplained tragedy. I would then quote Paul’s famous statement from Romans 8:28 just to be sure I was in alignment with the Bible. 

Truthfully, the cliché is helpful, but again is it always true?

But here’s the deal: Is there really some benevolent reason behind every single event or experience in our lives? If I get a really bad cold that knocks me down for a week, what’s the reason for that? More importantly, what divine reason might there be?

If my spouse cheats on me, where is the benevolent reason in that infidelity? Is her infidelity God’s way of making me stronger, or ironically, a better husband? Would that be the reason for her infidelity? Well, tell this to a wife or husband who is devastated by betrayal.

If a man unmercifully beats his wife in a drunken rage what would be the reason for such violence? Telling the battered wife that there is a divine reason for her black eyes and broken jaw doesn’t quite seem quite right, does it?

Try telling a woman whose child dies that there is a good reason for the child’s death. My suspicion is you won’t gain any points with her (or the child’s father). In fact, it is often the case that such a well-meaning platitude only confuses and deepens the person’s grief.

Truth is, not everything that happens to us in life is for a reason; or if it is we may never know it. Not every human tragedy needs explaining. Sometimes we are left with no rationale for the events that occur in our lives.

Sometimes life throws us some pretty hard punches and ours is not the reason to know. This is why faith or trust in God is so important. When the reason for the hard punch evades us faith should become our default position. That should be good enough for now. 

Don’t you think?