Things I Wish Christians Would Stop Saying: "Loving enemies is impossible!"

There are things Christians say that I wish they would stop saying! For example, I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard them say: “Pastor, loving my enemies is impossible!” Or they will say, “I believe Jesus when he told us to love our enemies, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.” 

There was a time when I would respond to such statements by saying something like: “I know, it’s really hard.” Actually, I was letting us both off the hook. 

Sure it’s hard, but is it doable? 

The short answer is “yes!”

Learning to love one’s enemies depends on how one understands the meaning of love when used in this context. Allow me to explain:

If you are using “love” as a noun then love becomes a “feeling” you have towards another person. So when Jesus told us to love our enemies was he implying that we have warm fuzzy feelings towards them? 

Now if this represents your only understanding of what love means (a loving feeling towards another person) then I would agree that loving your enemies would be nearly impossible. We are not naturally inclined to love those who harm us or treat us with contempt. We are not made to feel warmhearted towards our enemies.

But understanding “love” as a verb changes the whole dynamic. In his book, Love Your Enemies, Arthur C. Brooks tells the story of a renowned therapist meeting with a distraught husband. The husband tells the therapist that he no longer loves his wife. He doesn’t have the same feelings towards her as he did during the early years of their marriage (how many times have I heard this).

The wise therapist told the young man that he could learn to love (noun) his wife again by practicing love (verb) towards her. The therapist told the young man to start waiting on her more, performing acts of love toward her, treating her like he really did love her. The young man agreed to give it a try and as far as I know, the couple remain married today because the young man loved as a verb (loving acts) rather than as a noun (loving feelings). He actually fell in love with his wife all over again.

I do believe Jesus was using the word “love” as a verb when he told us to love our enemies. Performing loving acts towards our perceived enemies changes the way we naturally feel about them. 

In other words, our feelings are controlled by our actions.

 It works! Try it! Treat that person who disagrees with you politically for example with an act of love. Then see what happens to your own attitude. You will be surprised. Jesus was not blowing smoke at us. He was serious as a heart attack.

So please stop saying you can’t love your enemies because truthfully you can!